QT 04/02/2025 Tue. Song of Songs 5. Handling Imperfections in an Imperfect World. 在不完美的世界中处理不完美。

QT 04/02/2025 Tue. Song of Songs 5. Handling Imperfections in an Imperfect World.
READ http://www.esvbible.org/song5

Psychologist John Gottman (born 1942) pointed us to the importance of praise outnumbering negative comments 20 to 1 if there was to be any hope or chance of a long, lasting and meaningful relationship. His conclusion of respect, acceptance and friendship as important factors are also found in the relationship between the bride and groom that we have been reading in Songs. It is not realistic to expect no negative comments in any relationships because no one is perfect, and negative comments might possibly bring about positive reflection and improvements thereafter.

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling on the other hand will quickly make any relationship slide towards destruction and doom. In Song of Songs, we observe that both parties have some influence over the other, and respect each others' opinion in this mutually edifying relationship.

However, not everything is blissful—we live in an imperfect world. However hopeful or positive we are about the relationship that we are in, we do well to accept that we need to learn to handle imperfections in an imperfect world.

Song of Solomon 5:6–8
[6] I opened to my beloved,
 but my beloved had turned and gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
 I sought him, but found him not;
 I called him, but he gave no answer.
[7] The watchmen found me
 as they went about in the city;
 they beat me, they bruised me,
 they took away my veil,
 those watchmen of the walls.
[8] I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved, that you tell him
I am sick with love. (ESV)

Perhaps the woman delayed too much in responding to the man. In turn, the man disappeared and she "found him not" (5:6). The passive watchmen of Song of Songs 3:3 are now depicted as violent people who beat and bruised the woman, even taking away her veil. Indeed, the general environment we are in might be toxic for any love to thrive or even survive.

REFLECTION: Due to the fallen nature of mankind, not all would respond exactly as expected by others, not all would respond at all, and not all would even know what is really going on so as to respond. Impatience or distractions frequently become obstacles. Have we learned to accept imperfections in an imperfect world?

Those who go with the flow might be less hurt by imperfections, but sometimes they flow nowhere. Those who use checklists to evaluate and expect others might be the first to get hurt or disappointed. Most of us would not be anywhere near the beauty of the woman in Song of Songs, or of the same calibre of the man in the book. Expectations in our checklist would change, so would the other person. People grow up or grow old.

Verse 5:8 suggests that the woman did not give up on the relationship inspite of the separation at about the mid point of this book. The familiar phrase "I adjure you" (see also 2:7, 3:5, 8:4) points to the seriousness of the thought. Love requires at least one party not to give up hope. God hopes the best for us, won't we do the same for others, especially those whom you have given promises, express or implied?

QT 04/02/2025 星期二. 雅歌 5. 在不完美的世界中处理不完美。
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=song5&version=CUVS

心理学家约翰-戈特曼（1942 年出生）指出，要想建立长久、持久和有意义的关系，表扬的次数必须比负面评价多 20 倍 （20 对 1）。他得出的尊重、接纳和友谊是重要因素的结论也同样适用于我们在《雅歌》中所读到的新郎和新娘之间的关系。期望在任何关系中都没有负面评价是不现实的，因为人无完人，负面评价可能会带来积极的反思和改进。

另一方面，批评、蔑视、防卫和搪塞会让任何关系迅速滑向毁灭和厄运。在《雅歌》中，我们观察到双方都对对方有一定的影响力，并在这种相互促进的关系中尊重对方的意见。然而，并非一切都是幸福的--我们生活在一个不完美的世界。无论我们对自己所处的关系抱有多么大的希望或多么积极的态度，我们都应该接受一个事实，那就是我们需要学会在一个不完美的世界里处理不完美的事情。

雅歌 5:6-8 我给我的良人开了门。我的良人却已转身走了。他说话的时候，我神不守舍。我寻找他，竟寻不见。我呼叫他，他却不回答。
7 城中巡逻看守的人遇见我，打了我，伤了我。看守城墙的人夺去我的披肩。
8 耶路撒冷的众女子阿，我嘱咐你们。若遇见我的良人，要告诉他，我因思爱成病。

也许是女子对男子的回应太迟了。结果，男子消失了，“竟寻不见”（5:6）。《雅歌》3:3 中被动的守望者现在被描绘成暴力的人，他们殴打女人，甚至夺走她的面纱。事实上，我们所处的大环境可能对任何爱情的发展甚至生存都是有毒的。

反思：由于人类堕落的本性，并不是所有人都会完全按照别人的期望做出反应，并不是所有人都会做出任何反应，甚至并不是所有人都会知道到底发生了什么以便做出反应。不耐烦或分心常常成为障碍。在这个不完美的世界里，我们学会接受不完美了吗？

那些随波逐流的人可能较少受到不完美的伤害，但有时他们却无处流淌。那些用清单来评价和期待他人的人，可能是最先受到伤害或失望的人。我们中的大多数人都不会像《雅歌》中的女子那样美丽，也不会像书中的男子那样优秀。我们清单上的期望会改变，与我们建立关系的人也会改变。人会长大，也会变老。

5:8 节表明，尽管在本书的中段出现了分离，但女子并没有放弃这段关系。“我嘱咐你们"（另见 2:7，3:5，8:4）这个熟悉的短语表明了这一想法的严肃性。爱要求至少有一方不放弃希望。上帝对我们抱有最好的希望，难道我们就不会对他人抱有同样的希望吗？